love is such a strange, sacred thing.
my little self was the kind of girl who believed in “i want it, i got it.” i thought effort and desire were enough to get anything. i thought feelings would work the same way – simple, predictable, earnable.
but growing up taught me otherwise.
feelings – especially the soft, unexpected kind that blooms quietly in your chest – don’t work like that. they aren’t something you can control or force. they choose you. and sometimes, that choice isn’t mutual.
i learned that love isn’t a prize i can reach out and grab. it doesn’t follow rules. it doesn’t always come back to me just because i gave it my all. love is wild and soft all at once. it arrives when it wants to, and sometimes, it stays unspoken.
still, there’s something quietly magical about having a crush. not just any crush – a singular, rare feeling that shows up not because i was searching, but because something in my heart recognized something gentle in someone else.
it feels like carrying a soft little light inside me. a private warmth. unspoken, tender, and full of quiet joy. not because i want to have someone, or hold on to them, but because my heart quietly lights up around them. like a flower leaning toward the sun – not to keep the sunlight, but just to feel it.
i don’t feel this way often. my heart is careful, and i’m selective with who i let live in the quiet corners of it. so when a feeling like this arrives, it matters. it’s not a wish, or a fantasy – it’s something real. a small, rare gift. a little sign from the universe that i can still feel wonder.
i learned that i can’t feel something for everyone. but once in a while, someone crosses my path who makes the world feel softer just by being in it. and that’s what this is to me – a reminder that my heart still knows how to feel something this sincere, this gentle.
i also learned that i don’t own anyone. i can’t. people aren’t promises, or puzzles waiting to be solved. they’re whole worlds – with stories and dreams and edges i may never fully know. just because i like someone doesn’t mean i’m meant to be with them. and sometimes, the most honest kind of caring means cheering quietly from a distance, and hoping they find happiness – even if it’s not with me.
and that’s okay. that’s more than okay.
even if my crush doesn’t feel the same, i’m still glad i felt this. i’m glad i let it in. because i’d rather carry a feeling that was real than sit with a heart full of “what ifs.” i don’t regret feeling something true. i don’t regret loving softly, even in silence. because i was honest. i was real.
and if one day that person finds someone who makes them feel seen, safe, and light – i’ll be happy for them. truly. because this feeling was never about getting something in return. it was about being real with myself.
so when i think of my crush, i don’t feel longing. i feel peace. they reminded me that my heart still opens, still glows, still believes. that i can still care with softness and without fear. that i can love without needing to be loved back.
and that, to me, is beautiful.
